so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
