I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
