All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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