how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
These tits shall not be calmed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
