hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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