clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
