She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
