Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
