Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need to calm my uterus...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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