I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
