You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
