that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
