I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
