I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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