So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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