you turned your livingroom into a bong?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
