She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize