i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You made out with two different species that night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
