I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
