ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
