At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
