I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Still dying that you shit outside
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
