at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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