Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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