omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This baby is an asshole
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
