My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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