shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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