I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
