Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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