It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
