he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
