just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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