I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
