he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
