Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
