70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
