I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
