I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
