I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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