he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize