i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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