To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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