So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
