Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
