i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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