Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
