I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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