just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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