It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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