I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize