:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
