is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
