I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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