if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
