You just made me feel so damn special
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
