Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
