so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
