i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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