just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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