i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
