i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
