Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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