I think i peed on brittanys purse
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
