There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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