3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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