Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The air was thick with penises
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize