if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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