i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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