just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
