stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
