please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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