everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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