it wasn't lemon gatorade
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is wine microwaveable?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I see more hoeing in ur future
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
