Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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