One girl and one boy is just not enough.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
