If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
