I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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