she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
tequila makes me forget i have legs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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