During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
