Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
