Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
