sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
