We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
