Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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