you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
