I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What drink are we having for lunch?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Drake has all the answers
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
