i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
