My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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