i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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