If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
