I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I could fuck to npr.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
