i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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