The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
