oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
