I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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