how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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