It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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