She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize