my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize