those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
