in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
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