she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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