you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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