Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
