eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
