I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
